When We Lost You

Dear Hope,⁣
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I thought your dad and I had been through some hard shit this year, and then we lost you and our world turned upside down.
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We’ve stepped into a new life as your parents. One where we’re in a club we never wanted to be in with other families who’ve lost babies too. A life that feels more dark, lonely and hopeLESS as irony (and 2020) would have it.⁣
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We had so many plans for you. The milestone pictures of you in Mommy’s belly, the perfect crib your daddy found, and your Baby Pool for everyone to guess your birth date.⁣
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Then, when we went to get a picture of you for Mommy and Daddy’s photo shoot three weeks ago, the nurse got quiet. She took a deep breath, let out an ominous “well...” and our whole world shattered.⁣
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It’s been three weeks of hell for me and for your dad too, I’m sure, as he continues to do everything in his power to help me just...survive. Thankfully he’s had a lot of help from your Grandma and Grandpa Maser who have been keeping us afloat as we navigate life without you.⁣
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You should see the outpouring of love and support people are sending your (and our) way, Baby Girl. The cards, flowers, stuffed animals, phone calls, visits, and meals are STILL pouring in three weeks later. The letters people are writing to you are Mommy’s favorite because they feel like a hug of recognition, of honoring your life that we lost. You are so missed and so loved and I promise to keep honoring you the best I can.⁣

I promise that when you send us your Rainbow Baby sibling, we will share him/her with the world as soon as we can too because we wouldn’t trade the five weeks of celebrating you we had for anything. And if they have to leave us like you did, I promise to share that too. Because you were a part of our family from your first day and we’ve needed our tribe more than anything through the process of losing you, and they’ve showed up like never before. Like your Auntie Lenora says, “joy shared is doubled and grief shared is cut in half.”

We love you forever, Hopey Girl. Your existence and legacy will live on in our hearts and in your name. Thank you for reminding us of all we have to be HOPEful for 💗⚓️🌈💜

Love,
Mom XOXOX