You Weren’t Expecting That

Location: Poolside

Dear Unconditional Love - what would you have me know about Smooshy falling into the pool right here?

Breathe, babe. It’s ok. 

Gosh what an awful experience. Watching your baby fall into the pool. I am so proud of your calm, your sturdiness, everything you exuded in that moment. You were exactly what he needed, but right now you’re still coming down. 

It's ironic that the doves are nesting here. They feel this space is safe for their babies. And yet you had an unsafe experience here with yours. You knew he was safe though, didn’t you? 

You didn’t panic, you didn’t scream, you didn’t make him feel anything other than secure when you told him, “I got you. You’re safe.” 

What a profound message you gave to your son. Isn't that what you want to hear too, my love? I’m here to tell you that. 

I’ve got you. You’re safe. 

That’s the most warm answer anyone could ever give in the time of trauma. As you know, trauma is only present when the aloneness is there too. You did not leave him alone, you were there, you will continue to be there. It’s not the experience that’s traumatic, it’s the aloneness. You won’t ever leave him alone. He knows that. When you saw the panic in his eyes, he reached for you, you were right there. That’s exactly the kind of trust a sturdy leader instills in their passengers in this Earthside School. 

He needed you, you were there. Simple as that. 

I’m so proud of you for listening to him afterwards, maintaining your sense of calm, being exactly what he needed. 

I know the reason you keep thinking about this is because of how much you doubt yourself sometimes. Am I sturdy enough? Am I there enough? Am I validating enough? Did we review things enough? 

Oh, love. You care so much. And isn’t the fact that you care at all evidence enough that you are enough? The fact that you breathe means you’re enough. I know you feel like caring is the bare minimum you can do, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not. Care is what Smooshy needs, it’s what you need, too. 

Take your time to come down for this experience, bask in all that you knew. I am in awe of how well you’re following your sense of intuition right now, and in fact it’s not intuition at all, it is love. 

You knew Smooshy would fall in the pool yesterday, so you had already calmed yourself down. That’s the real work, babe. Your calmness calmed him. I know you were surprised that he didn’t cry more. That’s because he picked up on your safe energy and knew he was going to be ok. You telling him “you weren’t expecting that. I’m here. You are safe” is pure gold. Rose gold. Well done, babe. Take it in today. Rest if you need to. Lots of water too. I love you so much.