That’s The System

Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know tonight?

Hey, sweetie. I know you already know you need to repair. You don’t need me to tell you that. You can trust yourself. I know you’re getting a lot of messages that seem to dispute that. I’m here to tell you that’s not true, but you’re right, that is how it seems. 

Your feelings towards your spouse are rough right now. That makes sense. You have a sick toddler, no time to yourself, you’re burnt out, stressed out. But, my love, that’s the system, not you. Not your husband. Not your job. Not your lack of self care (although admittedly that would help). It’s that your life has been designed to make you feel guilty for needing. At all. And when you need and you don’t get, that’s when the dissatisfaction creeps in. It’s not your husband you’re dissatisfied with. And I know he’s an easy target. 

“Just get divorced and all this would be easier.” 

“I wouldn’t have to parent with someone different than me.”

That’s all true. But then you’d have to parent alone. Is parenting alone better than parenting with someone so involved but different? That’s for you to decide, my love. But don’t make any important decisions in grief. That we know for sure, right? 

I love you. I know you’ll get through this. Apologize so Drew can know how much he means to you before he has to carry a cloud into his tournament and day. He deserves that and so do you.

I love you. 

P.S. Less water bottles, more time. Presence. You can’t buy that. I love you.