Doing WHAT You Can
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?
Hey, you. Deep breaths, babe. Gosh what a strange experience to be excited about taking care of yourself today. Normally it feels like another item on your to do list. I think that’s because if you don’t get instant gratification it feels like work.
Unfortunately and fortunately, taking care of your own values is playing the long game. You know how you repair with Smooshy and he says, “can I have applesauce now?” It’s like that. You can’t see how impactful your sturdy parenting is for him, but then there are glimmers. When he sits with you quietly and wipes your tears, because that’s what you’ve done for him.
That’s what this self care journey is for you right now. It’s not about candles or baths or bullshit. It’s about investing in your own value and doing things that help you maintain your own self. A candle doesn’t do that. Shopping doesn't… AND it’s ok if that shit feels good sometimes. It really is. I know you’re doing the best you can. We all are. I see you trying to be perfect at all this AND I’m watching you let so much go. THAT is the secret, love. It’s not even doing the BEST you can. It’s doing WHAT you can. That’s it. Doing more than you can is what brings resentment.
Which is why you already know you need to pass this Bowen work off to Drew. He’s there to help. He wants to. And I know it sucks to have to TELL him. But unfortunately you do. And maybe the more you tell him the more you won’t have to tell him. And maybe not.
But would you rather wait until that day comes and Hope for that vapor? Or DO something about getting help now?
Being resentful that you have to tell him how to help is NOT going to help get you what you want right now. I wish that wasn’t true. And I know you wish he was you sometimes. But that’s not going to happen NOR would that help. I know you know that, babe.
Go be with your boys, enjoy that burger. I’m so proud of you and I SEE you so deeply doing what you can. Keep that shit up, honey.
I love you.