You’re Not a Fraud
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know about feeling so overwhelmed?
Oh, honey. I can feel the weight of the world on your tailbone. I’m so sorry things are so heavy right now. Do you know what would make you feel less heavy? More rest, more food, more sleep, more water, more love, more food. I know it feels like more things to do and to worry about, but really it's about worrying about the things that will make the biggest difference. Distilling things down into what’s important.
Right now I know all things feel like shattering or shatterable plates, but the truth is, they are all paper except for your health and your love and your time with your son. Focus on those 3 things. That's what you need more of. More love with Drew, that means hugs. Hugs not drugs, remember that one? Well I’m here to tell you that the drugs you’re taking in are the expectations of others and the weight of the world judging you when you're really the only one doing that.
I know it's easy to feel not good enough. But you don’t have social media for a reason. No one is looking at your life and evaluating it as not good enough, but you. You are using the expectations of an external reality to measure yourself against.
Money? Solved. Rest? Easily solved. Presence? Easily solved. Emails? Can wait until later. Friends? Your time with them is filling, not draining. I know you like to hide when you’re overwhelmed because you’re afraid of being seen as a fraud. Is that why you like watching Suits? Because Mike is a “real” fraud when you’re worried that your “put together” and “positive” persona are all fraudulent too? They’re not. You are just a swirl of ANDs, my love. When you ARE one thing, it doesn’t mean you are NOT another.
You can be overwhelmed and put together. But, also, who fucking cares?! Put together shit is capital B Boring… The nuances are what make us beautiful. And you’ve got plenty of those, my love. Trust that the people who love you care more about that more than you being put together, babe. More water, ok? I love you. I wonder if this will last forever? It won’t. But my love will. I love you.