The Final Drops of Breast Milk
Two way prayer ~
Dear Unconditional Love - I am feeling the grief of the last drops of my breast milk being gone. I wish there was no such thing as grief, and yet, it continues to land in my lap. What would you have me know about this?
Oh, honey. I’m with you. I feel the tears in your throat. It’s ok to cry. Do you want the grief to go away because the sadness is too hard? Honey it’s going to be hard either way. You can either pretend that grief doesn't visit, or that remembering isn’’t hard, which is hard. Or you can remember and grieve and be in the hard. Hard isn’t bad though, babe. That’s the difference. Just because things are hard doesnt mean youre doing anything wrong. Do you think Dr. Becky created that phrase for you to come across just for the purposes of parenting? Hell no. No way. There are so many more applications for such an important idea.
This feels hard because it is hard, not because you are doing anything wrong.
But what does this have to do with my making the breastmilk necklace tonight?
Oh, love. It has everything to do. The immense hard that it is to watch the last drops of anything being consumed is excruciating. But you have preservation, just like all things. Your journey breastfeeding will always be preserved as a memory in your body. Yes, the pictures, you’re right. But your body remembers it. It is who your son is. The secure attachment, The late nights, the sacrifice. It’s all in him. Don't you see when he smiles at you? When he does Eskimo kisses? When he gets so excited to wave to a stranger? That's all your journey together building memory inside his little body.
Just because youtube breast milk is gone doesn't mean that your memories or the efforts or meaning go away or turn into dust.
The dust is the MAGIC. You found a way to preserve your experience. A lot of people don’t do that. You ARE doing that. Think of the Asian art of broken glass being put back together with gold to make something even more beautiful. That’s what you’re doing. And yes it's hard to hold broken glass and bring it back together and long for it to be back to its original form. But luckily, you got to enjoy the original form and now you get to enjoy the masterpiece.
Well done, my love. Well done.