You Are Alive

Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?

Hey there, Little Love,

How are you? I missed you and want you to know how much I see you trying out there. I know you’re trying to help other people. You always have. 

Have you forgotten how to help yourself? I don’t think that’s it. Because I know you know how. Are you afraid? I feel like you're waiting for me to say, “why are you afraid?” But I’m not a gaslighting bitch like some people you know. That sounds harsh, I know. But I want to make sure that feels clear from me, love. When you bring things to me I already know to be true I am not going to tell you what you're feeling isn't true. Everything you feel is true.

It’s bullshit, you know. The sentiment “don't believe everything you think” because what you think IS true for you in that moment. What I can tell you that is true is that you don't HAVE to believe everything you think AND I understand if you do. I’ve been there with you as you believed things that weren't true. Can you even believe that you’re now frustrated when you are not in your integrity BECAUSE you weren't in your integrity for so long?! What an incredible journey you've had to get here. WE have had to get here. That's right, I have been with you every step of the way, my love. I always enjoy spending time with you. Watching you grow and learn and play is my greatest joy.

How are you feeling about play right now? I know you feel your presence with Smooshy is so important and it's hard to communicate with Drew what that means to you. It’s not that you want an absence of friends, it’s that you don't want to waste a minute NOT being present with your Smooshy. And, my love, you need a break. 

I know you’re afraid of him dying. You heard that parents lost their son last week. That hit your core. I know that’s really why spending time with others is hard for you. Because what if Smooshy dies? The truth is that he will, my love. I wish I could tell you when. But would that change anything?

I want you to know you don’t have to live in order to NOT feel guilty when he dies. You haven’t done anything that isn’t aligned with your values. I know you see not being in your integrity as that, but you’re learning. You saw quickly how that felt. It only made things more clear to you. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are all love, and I am with you. Smooshy is all love, and he is with you. 

When they say “soak that up” they mean don’t prioritize things that won’t mean anything on your deathbed. But you don’t have to be afraid of going there. Death is the only certainty. And right now, I am also certain that you are alive. And so is Smooshy. I’ll be here to remind you of that and I’ll be here when anyone dies. You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.

I love you.