Honored at Work

Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today about work?

Gosh what a complicated topic, huh? There is so much at stake when it comes to work. And there are so many different ways to define work.

I know you’re here to talk about your paying job though, right babe? Because I know you’re worried that it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing. And that’s an interesting concept too, what you’re “supposed to be” doing. 

Aren’t you “supposed to be” making money to pay your bills and keep up with your lifestyle? And isn’t that what you’re doing? 

Ah, but your question is deeper. “Is this what I’m MEANT to be doing?” is what you’re really wanting to dive into. And I get that, my love. Meaning makes you feel more secure, or DEEP meaning rather. You want everything to be for a greater purpose beyond yourself, and I love that about you. You don’t just want to be working at any ol’ job to make money, you want your work to mean something.

Now let me ask you, do you consider motherhood “work” or not? Because I can see how hard you work doing it. But are you getting paid to do it? No. In fact, it’s costing you a great deal - financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of it. So that’s interesting. Work that doesn’t make you money AND costs you. 

Now, if you saw that as a LinkedIn job description, would you apply? No, of course not. So why did you sign up for the job of motherhood then? It’s not like you knew what you were getting into. I mean, sure, you understood that you would be responsible for another life, that you’d be tired, that it would be hard but on some level, it feels like you thought it would be “worth” it. Well, not on paper it’s not, clearly. 

So what makes it worth it to you now? Probably so many different things than you thought. You thought you’d get to fill the gaps as a parent that your parents had, for another human. And maybe you’re doing that too, but aren’t you really just a witness to this growing human? You are, and I know you feel honored by that. 

Ah, there it is. You want to feel HONORED to do the work you’re getting paid to do. And I hate to be the one to tell you, my love, but that rarely happens. There are people doing charity work, hard work, easy work, corporate work, worldwide saving work who are only honored by work they don’t get paid for. It’s ok to be honored to do work you’re paid for AND honored to do work you’re not paid for.

What I can tell you though is that nothing will ever feel as honoring as being a mother for you. This is your life’s work. It’s ok to let your conditioning of having to hustle up the corporate ladder go. You did that, you excelled, and now here you are. You do have to earn money to keep your life going, that’s true. But you also have to do so much to keep another life going. And that work is harder. More honoring, yes. But harder. 

You don’t have to make the money earning work HARDER by reaching for another title or more responsibility, because that would make the honoring work you’re doing so much less possible. 

It’s ok to sink into what’s easy for you at work and not be the very best. Do I even know you at all?”, you ask. Yes, I do. And I know that’s your conditioning, which is why I know me telling you it’s ok is what you need to hear. That’s the phase you’re in now. It’s OK when your paid work is easy and your momming comes naturally. That doesn’t mean you’re not working hard enough or not honored to do it.

I feel you tasting a bit more of adulthood and individuality now that you’re not nursing, and more of that may come. But it will always ebb and flow. 

Witnessing the products of your paid work isn’t going to FEEL like mothering Smooshy does. Witnessing him is your greatest joy. And that’s not platitude bullshit glossing over all the hard times, not at all. But it IS your greatest joy. Hang onto that. That work is important, despite the societal and patriarchal messages otherwise. 

Yes, you need to sell shit to have money for bills, but you also need to work so hard to keep your child alive. Both are equally honorable. And you’re able to be honored by both. It’s also ok if you’re not and you close your computer and don’t care about your paid work at the end of the day. 

Take advantage of the flexibility you have, leave the “not guilt” somewhere only you know. Doing that is modeling what you need to for your son - that rested, fulfilled by motherhood (and friendships and painting and pink) women matter too, not just the climbing the corporate ladder ones. 

We all matter, we’re all “worth” while, all deserving of honor. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Follow your light with all this, babe. You’re doing just fine. And that is enough. You just BEING is enough. It’s ok to start there when measuring success.

Oh and stop fucking scrolling LinkedIn. If you need something, get it and get out. Love you *kissing face emoji*

The most honorable kind of work… I am honored by this honor =)