Rest & Your Soul’s Language
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?
Wow, what a beautiful day today. It’s ok to stop and watch the clouds, hun. Go ahead. I see you noticing so much more of those kinds of things these days, now that you’re paying attention and feeling less pressure to get things “right” around here.
What a relief that is. And what a terrifying endeavor. It’s so interesting, right? That you start this Earthside School noticing everything. And then you’re directed to focus on things that are productive. Then you do that. It feels right for a bit, the gratification feels bigger. But those blinders cost your vision the joy of seeing things that are for “no reason” most of the time.
It’s tough to break free from that conditioning. It’s tough for everyone, my love. Not just you. You are not doing anything wrong when you and your intellect spiral into productivity mode. There is meaning there too, sure. But there’s no peace there. The hustle increases your heart rate more than those Alanis do.
I can see why you’re afraid to be tired, not have caffeine, afraid to rest. That makes sense. I’m not faulting you for it my love. I wonder if you could use this weekend as a trial for yourself. Try on “feeling tired” and see how sinking into that feels. You have plenty of time. You don’t need to fill your weekend to DO anything to make it be for a reason. Rest IS a reason. And it’s not rest SO THAT you can be more productive. No. It’s rest for rest. That’s it.
Resting is what shows you the movement of those clouds, the curl of Emmers’ white paws, the boy smiling in line at Nugget, the wet puddles and the wind on your walk. Now I think it would be tough to admit that those things are for no reason. They’re there, aren’t they? Doesn’t that inherently mean they’re there for a reason?
That reason can just be being. Which I know feels scary. But that’s what can help us slow down, love. Your reason is just being too. And by “just” I mean that to simplify the concept, not diminish it. Because let’s be serious, “just” a mom or “just” a Senior Director or “just” a wife are simple but not diminishable.
I see you trying to conduct even this experience now to make sure it’s intellectually for a reason. You don’t have to do that, my love. I know it’s so hard not to. That’s the process. You are going back to where you started. You’re not reinventing the wheel. It’s as if you were born onto this Earth into a human body knowing the language of the soul that joined you, but then you learned English and POOF! You lost the soul language. That happens without practice, babe. And it’s not your fault you haven’t practiced. You were told English and productivity language would get you through in the best way. It makes sense you believed that. And it makes sense that you’re finding your way back to learning your soul’s language.
I’m here to help you do that. I’ve always been here. It was my role to journey beside you to see your journey from language to language and to help you find your way back. I’m so proud of you for continuing to come back here and trudge through this murky mud.
It takes effort, it takes sinking, it takes faith and you’ve got all that, my love. Keep going even when you’re dirty. I know you fucking hate dirt. But that’s what showers are for. We have the opportunity to cleanse and start anew. Go get the mail, go shower, try some things out this weekend, get dirty, shower again, and repeat until your time here is up. Then we’ll be onto the Otherside School. I love you. Great work, babe.
Keep watching the clouds, my love.