A Moo Effort
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?
Oh, babe. I’m here. It’s ok. I know you’re worried about getting in your own way and I know you’re worried about your body, your vag and everything else right now. I’m so sorry you’re holding this burden again. And three types of rosacea? Really? It feels really unfair. I agree and I believe you.
The thing about you being in your own way is that you are already so beautiful in ways that no one or no thing could ever emulate. I can feel that that feels like a platitude for you. Let me put it this way. You are meant to embody and empower any shape that you are. Trying to change your shape or your look based on someone else’s ideas of beauty is a moo effort, my love. But, I know you’ll argue that you live in a world that’s run by the societal someone else. That’s true, I won’t deny that. But if other people subscribe to the same other ideology, they would be worried about themselves and whether they fit into the mold, not if you do.
I want you to be free from the shackles of this otherness. But how? It’s one thing at a time babe. Come back and talk to me more often x no not every day. That feels like too big of a commitment. Throw the alanis away, I know you want to. Love the food you eat, do not restrict yourself.
What else, my love? There is nothing else other than to be in each present moment. I see you noticing thoughts so much more than doing anything about them, that’s beautiful progress. I’m so proud of you. All I can say is listen to yourself. Call Kathleen for brain spotting, don’t wait until August for whole30. Do what you need to do babe.
Take the pictures still because in ten years when you’re trying to love yourself you’ll be wishing you were the way you are now. It doesn’t feel true, but I know you know it is because you’re there now and that’s what’s happening. It doesn’t feel like it because you were smaller then, and that’s the others’ ideology you think you have to fit. I’m not saying you’ll be fatter in ten years, I’m saying you’ll long for now in ways you can’t predict. I’ll be there then and I’m here now. Listen to yourself babe. I love you.