Give a Fuck
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?
Oh, honey. I know you’re thinking about hate today, love today, all the things today. In fact, what I love about you is that you think about all the things everyday. It feels like a burden, in fact, other people have told you shit like, “gosh, it must be hard to be you, huh?” and it stings so badly because you’re like, “what the fuck does that mean? Isn’t it hard to be everybody? Is the fact that I am so intentional about my thinking a threat to you? Or other people?”
It seems burdensome from the outside. Maybe that’s why it feels burdensome from the inside, but not because it really is? Could that be possible, my love? I know it could. Because let me tell you something. Thinking so intentionally about anything and everything means you give a fuck. It means you care. It means that you hold love and peace so close that you want it so badly with everything so you think of everything and about everything all the time.
Let’s slow down, my love. It’s ok to. I promise that if you slow down nothing bad will happen. Bad things happening, people telling you to “just do less” is all a fucking obnoxious scheme that you have no business following, because it’s not your scheme.
I know you’re thinking about your weight right now, and you’re worried that your concern about your size is a sign that you aren’t as evolved as you think you are. You think wow I’ve put in so much work why do I have these fatphobic thoughts right now? I’m here to tell you that even though you have done a tremendous amount of work, and I’m so proud of you for that, you still swim in a fatphobic ocean. If you were wearing a life vest of all the work you’ve done to eradicate your fatphobia and you got into a fatphobic ocean, you would still be in a fatphobic ocean. It’s not your fault babe. It’s ok that you’re having these feelings right now. And it’s ok to investigate them if you want to.
Your husband is trying to support you in your thought process and not dismiss you, what a beautiful gift. You don’t need him to tell you that you are beautiful the way you are. That’s like telling you the sky is blue… “no shit,” you’d say. Let’s say that when we have other thoughts too. “No shit I have these fatphobic thoughts, it’s not my fault, I’m swimming in a fatphobic ocean. I have these thoughts and I’m worthy of love. No shit. Obvious.”
We’ve got this babe. I’ve got you. There is no such thing as good or bad thoughts. Thoughts have no morality. They are a dream of your intellectual mind. That’s what she’s there for. She’s all rationale though, not love, like me. Stick with me babe. We both love you, that’s true. But we serve different functions. It’s ok to engage in other areas of your mind, just please come back to me on the broken road where all the fun bumps and roller coaster curves are. I’ll keep you back on the love track so you can keep thinking all that you want to. I love you so much. Rest today. I love you.